Christmas time is magical for all sorts of reasons, but food and people are often considered two of the most important ingredients for a wonderful festive period. Sharing food with the people we love doesn’t only feel good, it’s good for our health – research has shown that close relationships are just as important for both our physical and mental health as having a good diet. Food has long played a powerful role in relationships – it started the conversation about what makes humans close to each other. The original idea was that baby attached to mum because mum provided food. We now know that isn’t the whole story – relationships have so many more ingredients to them. But these early theories became known as Cupboard Love, and they provided starter for what is now the most well-known theory of human bonding, Attachment Theory.
We need food and we need other humans – they are two universals. Food is one of the ways that we can experience joy and pleasure in life, whether it’s through cooking it or eating it around a table with those that we love. Sharing food with others, be it at Christmas or at any other time of year, allows for connection and conversation. The table allows for story-telling – something else that makes us uniquely human. Sharing food also helps us to develop another of our most human capacities – empathy. Research has shown that the “family style” ritual of sharing food matters – it promotes empathy, even among strangers. Coordinating your own eating around other people helps you to recognise and understand the needs of others, because you’re more likely to hold others in mind to ensure that everyone gets a fair share of the pie. And sharing food in this way has domino effects – it’s helpful for skills that transcend the table. One study even found that it increased the efficiency of how two people negotiated. Small talk around the table has big results.
So, as we start to get into the festive spirit, remember that it’s not only those big platters of turkey and trimmings that grace the middle of the table that are important, but also who you are sharing that food and conversation with. That’s the real gift of the table at Christmas, and beyond.
If you’d like to read more, www.cupboard-love.co.uk is my space to be a therapist who cooks, and where I find conversation, meaning and life lessons in all things food.
