What is Support?

Providing support for another individual can be a rewarding experience, but can also leave you feeling overwhelmed. ‘Support’ can often mean different things to different people, and this can depend on many factors, sometimes including how much experience you’ve had of providing support, how much you know about the topic or situation that the individual needs support with, and also your relationship with the individual.

Offering support may involve emotional support, offering advice, helping the individual seek the help they need (e.g. counselling, medical intervention), providing them with the confidence and push that they need in order to try something new (e.g. hobbies), or sometimes to stop or control situations which may be unhelpful and causing distress (e.g. drinking large amounts of alcohol, experiencing negative thoughts etc). This is not an exhaustive list, and the support that you may currently be providing, or have done previously, may look different.

For some, providing support can be about taking the individual away from the situation or anything that may be influencing their distress/self-harm:

“I think for me, it was about taking them away from their triggers…like suggesting activities to do together, just anything to take them out of that head space.”

(Friend, Supporter)

For others, it may not feel clear what providing support actually is. You may feel the need to take them to get help, or to check in with  how safe they are being:

“I think supporting someone with self-harm is such a difficult thing, because how do you define that? 

Are you supporting them to recovery… I supported her in so many different ways and really pushed her to get better, like I took her to A&E once, I was like always very aware of whether she was ok and being safe…and I think those two roles are very different.” 

(Friend, Supporter) 

One thing that is really important is being able to manage both yours and their expectations. You may be someone who knows very little about self-harm or someone who knows a lot, but being able to recognise that you may not always have all the answers is important. Putting yourself under pressure can be really difficult to avoid when you want to be there for someone close to you. But providing support can also have impacts, both far and wide, and looking after yourself, as well as recognising what you are and aren’t able to do is vital (see section – looking after your own well-being).

It’s also really important not to compare yourself to anyone else. You should never feel bad for finding something overwhelming, or out of your depth, or just not knowing how to react or what to say (see section – disclosure & talking about self-harm).