Providing support for someone else can have both positive and negative effects on your own life (see section – looking after your own well-being). When speaking with individuals who had provided support, this impact often varied greatly, and and we would like to share some of these thoughts and experiences that may be helpful and relatable to you during this time.
Some spoke about the fact that providing support can often impact upon relationships. From speaking with individuals with personal experiences of self-harm, it is often something that people find very difficult to talk about, you may find that you are the sole person who knows about the self-harm. For some, this may bring you closer together and encourage trust and sharing of feelings and emotions.
“I actually felt really privileged that they felt able to share something so personal with me. I knew how difficult that must have been, so for them to trust me with that really meant a lot.”
(Friend)
Providing support may be overwhelming, or you may feel that the dynamics of the relationship have changed, which may lead to feelings of frustration and anger. This may put strain on your relationship, and feeling as though you are no longer being supported with your own needs. It can be difficult to acknowledge these feelings, and people may feel guilty or pressured to always be there for that person. Establishing boundaries and letting the person know what feels manageable for you is really important, and can often save your friendship, rather than allowing these feelings to build up, and ultimately resulting in you drifting apart.
“We were really, really close, but unfortunately we aren’t that close anymore, and part of that is due to some of the things that happened when I was trying to support them… our relationship transformed into me being his therapist, so at that point, I was kind of uncomfortable. I couldn’t rely on him anymore and our relationship had changed so much. It had transformed into this thing where he would come to me, but I couldn’t come to him.”
(Friend)
Top Tips
If you feel that providing support is negatively impacting on your relationship – it can be helpful to step back and let someone else support them in order to care for both of your well-being.
Doing an activity together to take you away from the situation can be helpful – why not plan a cinema trip or a nature walk?
Ensure that you also have your own outlet – it’s important for you to also have a space to talk and share feelings if you feel you need it.